Happy 13th, Elly!

Around our house, the thirteenth birthday is a big deal.  While we try hard to teach our children when they are young the value of work and setting our minds on things above, after the age of 13 we really start encouraging them to behave in a more mature, adult manner.  On their 13th birthday we do a special ceremony, which is always a fun, encouraging, sweet time of fellowship and admonition.

It centers around the 13 pillars of Biblical womanhood.  I don't remember where I got this idea, but I'd like to give credit where it's due.  I'm certain it must have been from Scott Brown or one of the Father-Daughter retreats when they were being done at Calloway Gardens in Georgia.  I'm going to go ahead and post the details here, as so many have asked about it.  I did email the list out to several of you, but just in case I missed anyone, here you go!

We will do something different for our sons, but since this is from Elly's birthday, I'll share from that viewpoint at this time.

We want our daughters to have a clear vision of Biblical womanhood that does not arise from our personal understanding, spring from our own family culture, or come from their personal inclinations.  Nor do we want it to be based on cultural models around us.  Because Scripture is sufficient for ALL OF LIFE, we want their vision of womanhood to be defined solely by the very words of Scripture so that they "may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:17)

This post is actually one of the reasons I have disabled comments on this blog.  I won't respond via FB, either.  I am happy to discuss any matter in person, by phone, or email, but too often people just want to argue behind the screen of a computer and not discuss.  I believe God (and therefore Christians) have a very high regard for women and, as we can see throughout Scripture, a woman is made to be capable and sure.  Scripture does indeed place distinctive roles for women and men.  The reality is, you can either have it God's way or you can have it your way.  It is just that simple.  If you believe you can make up your own personal version of manhood and womanhood as you go, you will end up with just that...YOUR version.

These are in no particular order.  We had each of our children pick a BIBLICAL PILLAR, then pick a gift which they believed went along with that PILLAR.  With that in mind, here are our THIRTEEN PILLARS OF BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD:

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Trustful and Submissive Wife

Gift: purity ring

A ring is a symbol of eternity. It is a circle that does not end. One day your husband will give you a ring signifying the covenant between the two of you that will never end. In preparation for that day, I am now giving you a ring that signifies the covenant we have both agreed to: my protection of your heart, mind, and body and ever faithful help in choosing a husband; and your trust and submission to my authority, committing to give your heart over for me to protect and not give it to any other man until which time we both agree that God has ordained.  Do you affirm your commitment to this covenant?....And I vow to do my very best to protect you and help you and to seek God’s wisdom for your future.

Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the LORD. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Keeper at Home

Gift: Invest Kids set of books on finance by Gillian Houghton

As you already know, there are many aspects involved in being a keeper at home: caring for your husband and meeting his needs, caring for your children, teaching them in God’s Word and in daily education, cooking, cleaning, sewing, decorating, care of property, finance, and the list goes on. You will need to educate yourself in each area individually and find tools that are helpful for learning each skill. 

Titus 2:5 “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” 

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Fruitful Bearer of Children

Gift: Heaven at Home (Establishing and Enjoying a Peaceful Home) by Ginger Plowman

It is our desire that your view of children is the same as God’s view of children. You will do well to pour over God’s Word in this area because the world will constantly try to convince you of other ways. Always remember that children are a blessing from the Lord. Times may be hard and things may be hard, but when those things happen we need to look to God to see what needs to be different within us or what God is trying to teach us, not blame it on children and certainly not to cut off our seed. Do not fall into the trap of thinking there would be so much you could do if you did not have little ones. Remember that God is in control of all things and He places seasons in our lives for a purpose. When we try to remove control from God and place it in our own hands, we harden our heart to the Holy Spirit and open ourselves up for a bounty of sin.

Psalm 127 “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.  It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.  Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward.  As arrows are in the hand of a mighty warrior; so are the children of the youth.  Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Woman, not a Man

Gift: Swim dress

God has created you with a special purpose. You are a completely different being than a man and God calls you to different tasks. Not only has He given men and women different duties and responsibilities, but He has made you to behave differently, to think differently, to look differently. God has designed you to be soft and gentle, compassionate and nurturing. He designed you to be feminine.

1 Timothy 2:9-10 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Member of the Church

Gift: Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris

God has chosen you. He has called you into His servanthood. You are an important member of the church and it is vital that you attend fellowship as often as possible. There are many ways you can serve in your congregation. Find what is suitable to the Church’s needs and your personality, but just be sure to serve the body.


Acts 2:39 “For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Domestic Entrepreneur

Gift: Crochet Kit

The Proverbs 31 woman is certainly a woman to model after, but keep in mind that there is a season for everything. When you are a young mother, you will hardly have the time to devote to much entrepreneurship, as your time will be much needed with the precious blessings that God gives to you. However, now is a great time to begin entrepreneurial skills, such as cheese making and crochet, and you can continue them later on or teach them to your own children to use. The point is that God calls us to a life of work, not laziness. Our hearts find trouble when our hands are idle and that is when sin will abound. Make sure your hands are always busy and remember that you don’t have to be earning money to be fruitful. Pouring your soul into your children with “wisdom and the law of kindness” is a very fruitful industry that will be seen in their lives for generations to come.


Proverbs 31:10-31 “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ

Gift: Valley of Vision (songs for worship inspired by the classic book of Puritan prayers) by Sovereign Grace and Scripture Memory Songs 2 by Scripture Memory Kids

God has created you to be a disciple, or follower, of the Lord Jesus. His teaching and Word should be forever on your mind, in your heart, on your tongue, and in your actions.
  Constantly meditate on them through His word, through prayer, through good reading, and through song.

1 Peter 1:15-16 “Bu as He which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood : An Image Bearer 

Gift: A Young Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George (this happens to be from a grouping of Elly's favorite devotional books)

You are called to be an image bearer of Christ. One of the ways you can accomplish this is by developing your character in ways that are consistent with the character of Christ. How can we develop Christ-like character?  By being constantly immersed in His word.  The things you do will be the Jesus others see in you.

Genesis 1:26-27 “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: Given to Hospitality

Gift: The Christian Homemaker's Handbook by Pat Ennis & Dorothy Kelley Patterson

The Bible implores Christians to cultivate a deep, affectionate love for one another as brothers and sisters.  We are admonished not to neglect a vitally important aspect of our love – hospitality.  The Biblical injunctions to practice hospitality are nearly always found in the context of brotherly love.  Hospitality fleshes out love in a uniquely personal and sacrificial way.

Hebrews 13:2 “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers for thereby some have entertained angels unaware.”

1 Peter 4:8-10 “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.  Be hospitable to one another without complaint.  As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Teacher of the Next Generation

Gift: Scottish Highland Adventures by Catherine Mackenzie (this has long been a favorite series amongst my children and Joseph's Shield by Pansy 1888 (Lamplighter's are another favorite around here!)

One of your most important tasks is to pass on what you have learned to the next generation. Do not let a Godly heritage die with your generation: teach, teach, teach! You can only do this when you spend a great deal of time with the next generation (your children). Do not be deceived into thinking that you can pass that responsibility on to anyone else and still do what God desires of you and have the blessings that He will pour out.


Deuteronomy 6:7 “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” 

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Godly Mentor

Gift: Pattern and material for a dress for Elly to sew "all by herself"

One lie the world is trying to convince us of is that when we are older it is “our time” to do as we wish. The world tells us we need “me time.”  People will use this excuse for doing anything that pleases them. But we must remember that God has called us to greater things than the world has to offer. We are always to be working, no matter our age. We are always to be mentoring those younger than us, or those who are less mature in the Lord.  The entire Gospel is about relationships.  God commands us to love and to serve and we should always be doing those things.  Is it wrong to take time to yourself and do something you enjoy?  Certainly not.  But even in that time “alone” we can meditate, or God may bring someone into our life, or there may be some capacity we can be a servant in.  One way you can do this is by living your life in a Godly manner, in the image of Christ. Another way is by writing encouraging letters. You will find many other ways as you grow older, but always be looking for ways to serve.

Titus 2:3-4 “The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children...”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Demonstration of Unfading Beauty

Gift: 3-step facial cleansing kit...it's so fun to be a big girl now! 😍

While man looks at the outward appearance, God judges the heart. It is easy to make the outward appearance look pleasing, but it takes hard work and commitment to the Lord to soften the heart. Sometimes our heart is seen in our outward appearance, such as a smile or a scowl, a harsh or a pleasing word, ignoring a need or meeting it. Other times it may not be so easy to distinguish. We can force a smile or a kind word so that our heart may appear clean, but deep down it can still be full of dirt and ugliness. Only being washed with the water of the Word can make it truly clean and remove all of the gross sin from it.
  That said, it is not inappropriate to dress up, but remember that the heart, which is always seen by God, is where righteousness lies.

1 Peter 3:3-4 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Biblical Pillar of Womanhood: A Helpmeet

Gift: Passion and Purity (Learning to bring your love life under Christ's control) by Elisabeth Elliot

As you do not yet know what talent your future husband may need for you to have, it is a good idea to start learning many different helpful skills. You should further your education and acquire as many skills as you can over the next several years so that your talents for being a helpmeet to your husband will be well rounded.  In the rare occasion that God should call you to remain single, those talents and education will be used to further His kingdom and for His glory.

Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.”

It was such a joy to have an older generation here, speaking love, truth, and encouragement into the life of the next generation.  What a blessing!

This is a fun picture of all of us with our covenant rings:

And I couldn't pass this one up...isn't he just the cutest!