Sunday, February 28, 2016

No Longer Slaves

I've never been one to give in to fear.  Whatever the situation, I've always been able to just give it over to God and rest in His unfailing love, trust in His Providence.  Maybe I have not been as compassionate to my friends who struggle in this area as I should have.  Have I too flippantly said, "Trust...Rest...God is in control..."?  And while those things are true, we are to trust, we are to rest, the fear is a real monster, too.  But not necessarily because of a lack of faith.

I know that God is in control.  I do not believe that God was taken by surprise with William's death.  It was not "unexpected" to God.  I have no doubts about where William is or the fact that I will see him again one day.  But that doesn't diminish the pain of missing him.  It doesn't change the physical squeeze in my heart or the deep sense of wrong from what's been lost.  It doesn't change my desperation to not face my heart breaking ever again.

The new me struggles not to live in fear.  I struggle to give my children the freedom they naturally grow into.  I struggle to be away from my family, even knowing I have no real power to protect them.  I struggle to sleep at night, trying to fend off the awful dreams that may come.  And I pray, Lord, do not let me be a slave to fear, for I am Your child...

You unravel me, with a melody
You surround me with a song
Of deliverance, from my enemies
Till all my fears are gone
I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
From my Mothers womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again, into your family
Your blood flows through my veins
You split the sea, so I could walk right through it
All my fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me, so I could stand and sing
I am a child of God

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