Saturday, February 20, 2016

Have Mercy on Me

To fulfill our certification requirements, we have to keep current on our CPR certification. I did not give it a second thought when we all signed up for the class. Actually, it didn't hit me until last night. I fell asleep in Michael's arms last night, crying my heart out. I awoke at 2am and sleep eluded me for the rest of the night. Even the sweet sun rising did not grant the beauty of sleep. And, of course, I struggled through the CPR class. I kept telling myself to be strong but it did not happen. I am tired. I am worn. I am broken. I miss him more than I could possibly have words to tell. The ache in my heart is so deep, so vicious. There is nothing for me to do but fall into His mercy.

I'm tired of being afraid 
I'm wondering how I got this way 
I'm trying to remember what life was like before 
Panic moved in without even knocking on the door

Have mercy on me
I'm not who I used to be
Have mercy on me
Jesus, please

I've been praying and asking you to take it all away
You never do exactly what I say
You see me from the outside, a lover looking in
But all I see is danger moving underneath my skin


I know it's not because I don't love you enough
It's not because I'm weak, it's how you choose to speak to me

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