Saturday, April 2, 2016

Happy Birthday, Sherrod!

We celebrated Sherrod's 15th birthday this week.  It is good to have a little light-heartedness...

You can always count on Sydnee for a few laughs...

The evil eye...
Oh, come on, give me a kiss...
Yeah, right!

What? No goofing?

 This was my favorite!  Sarah got Sherrod the new Chuck Black book, which was only released a couple of weeks before Sherrod's birthday.  They had all been watching for it and Sherrod started asking for it as soon as it was released.  We had actually preordered it to be sure that we got it as soon as possible, but she didn't know that.  She was super excited!
Oh, my! Light of the Last!!!!
Oooh...I get to be the first to read it!
Actually, let me be the bearer of bad news...
Sydnee is on chapter 9!
Are you kidding me?! That sneaker!
Well, at least I get to read it!
It was nice to have a few laughs.  I worry about my children.  The older 6 girls are really struggling to find a new normal.  In fact, I look at them and see simply a reflection of my own grief and heartache.  This week seems to be especially hard, as we lead up to William's birthday.  Tears flow for seemingly no reason, frustrations flare at little to nothing, grace seems so hard to find, defeat is looming.  Suddenly, this house where we've had so much happiness, joy, love, and laughter seems too small, too confining, too deafening.  As much as I struggle within myself to find peace, I'm scared for them.  I've been walking with God longer than they've been alive and I feel like I am on shaky ground, barely holding on.  I know He will see me through, I know He carries me, but I don't feel it as often as I would like.  I know they have their own struggles.  And I can't help them.  I can only pray for His grace and mercy to hold them...

2 comments:

  1. I understand your concerns for your children-as a mama, we not only bear the grief for the child we are missing, but also the grief that our surviving children carry. I can only offer what I've found helpful in my journey and what I've observed to be helpful in my surviving children's journeys: give space and grace for them to ask questions they need to ask, for them to wrestle with their own faith as we wrestle with ours. I know that sometimes I'm so afraid they will choose not to allow God to heal them that I want to insist they express the "right" attitude and give me answers I want to hear. But God is their God, too. And HE will complete the work He began in them just as He will complete the work He began in me. Praying for all of you.

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  2. This one showed up! And in a timely manner, at that! Thank you for the kind words and encouragement!

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