Thursday

It's a weird day.  I feel so....stuck.  I know I am in a rut.  I know it was unwise of me to expect that, one year later, this day would feel different.  But it's not.  It's just as strange as the rest of them.

I feel so disconnected.  I can't seem to "plug in" to my life.  I know it sounds weird.  It feels weird.

My life has become a series of procrastinations, a general feeling that things will get better after.... I don't know what.  The next milestone.  The next trip.  The next move.  The next project.

I know I need the Lord to move in my life.  And in my children's lives.  And in Michael's life.

It's not happening.

I want to find joy.  Contentment.  Expectation.  Will.  I want to eliminate this heaviness.  And apathy.

That's not happening either.

Why?  Is it something we are doing or not doing?  I don't know.  Are we stiff-necked?  Are we not receiving?  Have we just not given ourselves enough time?  Ugh.  I do not know.  I just know it causes a general feeling of agitation and tiredness.  Anxiety.

Are you anxious, too?  I do not have answers.  But I know the One who does.  And I will continue to cry to Him until He calms my heart.

I will trust Him.  The calm will come.