It's a weird day. I feel so....stuck. I know I am in a rut. I know it was unwise of me to expect that, one year later, this day would feel different. But it's not. It's just as strange as the rest of them.
I feel so disconnected. I can't seem to "plug in" to my life. I know it sounds weird. It feels weird.
My life has become a series of procrastinations, a general feeling that things will get better after.... I don't know what. The next milestone. The next trip. The next move. The next project.
I know I need the Lord to move in my life. And in my children's lives. And in Michael's life.
It's not happening.
I want to find joy. Contentment. Expectation. Will. I want to eliminate this heaviness. And apathy.
That's not happening either.
Why? Is it something we are doing or not doing? I don't know. Are we stiff-necked? Are we not receiving? Have we just not given ourselves enough time? Ugh. I do not know. I just know it causes a general feeling of agitation and tiredness. Anxiety.
Are you anxious, too? I do not have answers. But I know the One who does. And I will continue to cry to Him until He calms my heart.
I will trust Him. The calm will come.