Sunday, October 2, 2016

Surviving October...

I made it through the first day of October.  I actually had some much needed therapy and went on a trail ride.  It was good for the soul.
William and his first therapy dog, Annie.

I knew this month would be hard.  I expected it to be hard.  But it's even more than I expected.  I can't breathe.  To say I miss him is such an understatement.  He is in every thought, every moment, every day.  There is never a second when there is a break from the pain of missing him.

I found this cute little video of him on his last birthday.  Oh, that voice!  Everything about him was so sweet.

It's exhausting.  Everyday is a new struggle.  Every morning I open my eyes and I have to decide all over again... Will I get out of bed?  Will I try to make the most out of the day and be productive?  Will I be thankful or angry?  Will I trust God?

These are not questions I had a year ago.  But in the midst of all this grief and struggle and questioning, there is one small thing that spurs me on and gives me hope and confidence.  I am convinced, more than ever, of God's sovereignty.  At one time I believed in the Doctrines of Grace...now I am certain.  Because in my own strength, my own thoughts, my own power, I would have walked away.  I would let my anger overwhelm me and run away from God.  But He has held me.  It is only Him, His power, His strength, that has kept me in the fold.  And therefore I can rest.  My family is not held by my faith or lack thereof.  They are held by the Almighty.  And HE never fails.

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