52 Thursdays. I feel his absence so fully. And I struggle with the guilt of trying to be thankful, trying to find joy, trying to pull it all together. It is tiring.
Michael describes our life so well. He said grief is a constant oxymoron. Oh, how true. I feel perfectly at peace with the Lord, yet there is a constant unsettled-ness without William here. I am ever-so-grateful that William was loaned to me, yet I want more, always more. I long for the fellowship and support of dear friends, yet I find it increasingly more difficult to be around people. I feel like the pieces of my heart are finally starting to find their way to a misshapen form, while at the same time I feel that I am a disheveled mess, all over the place.
I hide in Him. I need His shelter.
I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows
I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation
I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven
