If You Fall

Some of my hardest times are the routines.  I can hardly sing to the children at night.  Sometimes it overwhelms me.  I can't help but notice the glaring empty spot.  My heart screams that things are not right.  Time has not eased the pain.  It is still just as suffocating, maybe even more so.  Because with each passing day I am forced to face the reality that he truly is gone and my heart breaks even more.  I did not think that possible.  The thought of carrying this brokenness, this aching, for the rest of my life is almost more than I can bear.  I feel like I am half living.  Half of my heart in life, half in death. I am trying to move forward, but even that is more painful than I can muster sometimes.  And I feel so guilty.  Guilty, because I know how very blessed I am.  I am truly grateful for the children and the husband I have.  Yet it doesn't stop the torturous longing.  The missing.  The feeling that all is not right with the world and it simply cannot be this side of heaven.  I miss my life when all was right.  I would love to have that contentment again.

Lyrics:
You are a house that’s broken down
You are a house that’s burning
And everything in me wants to run
But that’s not love

If you fall, I fall with you
If you hurt I feel it too
Even if my heart turns black and blue
I will love you

I planted seeds down in the ground
Not every one is growing
When I am tempted to give up
I choose love

If you fall, I fall with you
If you hurt I feel it too
Even if my heart turns black and blue
I will love you

Beauty and light will fight for you
Goodness will rise
It shines for you

If you fall, I fall with you
If you hurt I feel it too
Even if my heart turns black and blue
If you fall, I fall with you
If you hurt I feel it too
Even if my heart turns black and blue
I will love you
I will love you