Anyway Love

Okay, so I admitted yesterday that I've been struggling.  Wondering if my faith is as strong as I believed it was.  Today, I was looking over William's blog and I noticed several "draft" posts that never got posted.  The one that follows was in there from February 2010.  I don't remember it and it's especially strange because I see no reason why I would post it on William's blog.  I don't know where it came from or I would cite the author...

On Valentine's Day, Meg went all out, giving her husband, Peter, his favorite candy and tickets to a hockey game. Later that night, she wrapped herself in a special outfit purchased just for the occasion.
Peter got her a card.
At the grocery store.
That he purchased on the way home from work.
He didn't add anything to it, either. He just signed it, "Peter."
A couple of days later, Meg tried to explain that she felt a little taken for granted. Apparently, Peter misunderstood her intent because two months later, when they celebrated their anniversary, Peter didn't get Meg anything.
"How could you not get me anything for our anniversary?" she asked Peter the next day. "Especially after our conversation about Valentine's Day."
"Well, I thought about getting you something, but it didn't work out," he replied. "And then I knew not to get you a card because you said you didn't like that last time."
"It's not that I didn't like the card. It's that the card alone seemed a little sparse. But even that is better than nothing ..."
Several months later, Meg had a birthday. This time, Peter got her a present – a kitchen tool set. Several weeks before, Meg had asked to borrow Peter's tape measure and screwdriver. Peter figured that Meg should have her own small set of kitchen tools so she didn't have to borrow his.
Meg recounted all this and then explained how she had tried to get her husband to read several how-to books on loving your spouse. He would read the first few pages, lose interest and never pick the book up again.
"I've realized this is never going to change," she confessed. "But I love him anyway."
...Because
That last statement of Meg's, "but I love him anyway," is one of the most profound theological statements on marriage I've ever heard. Most of us base love on because, not on anyway. I love you because you're good to me. I love you because you're kind, because you're considerate, because you keep the romance alive.
But in Luke 6:32-36, Jesus says we shouldn't love because. We should love anyway. If we love someone because that person is good to us, or gives back to us, or is kind to us, we're acting no better than anyone else. In essence, Jesus is saying you don't need the Holy Spirit to love a man who remembers every anniversary – not just the anniversary of your marriage, but the anniversary of your first date and your first kiss. Any woman could love a man like that. Or if you love a wife who lavishes you with sports gifts, who goes out of her way to make you comfortable when you get home from work and who wants sex anytime you do – well, you're doing what any man would do. There's no special credit in that!
But if you love a spouse who disappoints you, who can be a little self-absorbed – now you're loving anyway. In doing that, you're following the model of the heavenly Father, who loves the ungrateful and the wicked.
... Or Anyway
Will you love only because? Or are you willing to love anyway? Will you love a man or woman who doesn't appreciate your sacrifice? Will you love a husband or wife who takes you for granted? Will you love a spouse who isn't nearly as kind to you as you are to him or her?
Just about every faithless marriage is based on because love. Christians are called to anyway love. That's what makes us different. That's what gives glory to God. That's what helps us appreciate God's love for us, because God loves us anyway. He gives and gives and gives – and we take Him for granted. He is eager to meet with us, and we get too busy to notice Him. He is good to us, and we accuse Him mercilessly when something doesn't go just the way we planned it.
But God loves us anyway. To love anyway is to love like God – and to learn about God's love for us.
That's love, the way God intended it.

This really made me think of God's love and my love for Him.  Do I love HIM anyway?  It's easy to love Him because...because He blesses me, because He takes care of my needs, because He protects me, because my life is easy.  The hard part comes on the anyway.  When times are hard, do I love Him anyway?  When I don't understand, do I love Him anyway?  When I am angry and hurt and broken, do I love Him anyway?  Do I understand that He is in control of all things AND that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose?  Do I trust His plan?
Yesterday, I was speaking with a friend and sharing my doubts of myself with her.  She lovingly reminded me that no one is able to bear hard things well, except for the grace of God.  God gives grace as it's needed.  Right now there are certain graces I don't need, but there are many that I DO need.  God gives me the graces I need in the time I need it.  (Thanks, Tanya!)  I do feel reassured.  I'm still struggling with my sleep, but I am praying through that, as well.  Fear still grips my heart at times, but I'll keep praying through that, too.  God's grace.  God's timing.  Perseverance.

I'll end with this song that has become a favorite of mine.  A friend sent it to me when I was in my 38-hour labor with Titus.  :)  By the grace of God, may I always be able to say, though He slay me...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUPz6_TciY&list=RDqyUPz6_TciY

P.S. Until today, I had only heard the song, not the message from Piper.  God is good all the time.  I feel as though He is bringing things together to reassure me.  Praises to Him.