In the Clouds

If I could
I would build a house in the clouds
Where I could sit and talk with you

We would laugh
Hug and dance and play
Just like we used to do

Where the sun shines brightly
And warms the soul
We'd laugh, hand in hand

From the day's sweet dawn
Until it's set
We would confidently make our plans

If I could
I would build a house in the clouds
Where life is sunny, gay, and bright

And the sting of death
Has never been felt
So everything is right

Where I could
Turn this sorrow into joy
And give my heart relief

Instead of wandering
Lonely and empty
My only company grief

I gaze on the horizon
Watching clouds go by
And I start to wonder, too

What if I could
Build a house in the clouds
To sit and talk with you

Triggers

Michael and I went to the movie theater recently.  The movie we saw was good.  It was cute and funny and just had a really good story line.  But one of the trailers beforehand has been haunting me ever since.

The trailer was for the movie, Breakthrough.  Here is the synopsis:

"BREAKTHROUGH is based on the inspirational true story of one mother's unfaltering love in the face of impossible odds. When Joyce's son John falls through an icy Missouri lake, all hope seems lost. But as John lies lifeless, Joyce refuses to give up. Her steadfast belief inspires those around her to continue to pray for John's recovery, even in the face of every case history and scientific prediction...BREAKTHROUGH is an enthralling reminder that faith and love can create a mountain of hope, and sometimes even a miracle."

I have not been able to get it out of my mind.  I posted it on a bereaved parent's site as a trigger warning.  I'm glad I did.  I found out that I am not alone in my thoughts toward movies which contain miracles.

I just cannot watch them.  It's not that I'm not thankful when others get the miracle that we were praying for for William... I am.  But it actually angers me to watch it on the big screen.  I feel bad saying that, but it does.  It's not enjoyable entertainment.  I also think that movies like that put unrealistic ideas in the thoughts of those who have not experienced the heart-wrenching truth of when the miracle doesn't come.  It gives the false impression that if WE just pray hard enough, hold on long enough, and refuse to accept what is happening, that God MUST move on our behalf.  Therefore the opposite is also true.  If we did not get the miracle we were seeking, then we must not have prayed hard enough.  If our miracle did not happen, there is some shortcoming in us.

I'm sure the movie will be encouraging and heart warming for many people.  I hope it will inspire others to walk closer with God, to believe, to understand that He still moves in our lives.  But I also hope that when He doesn't move in the way they think He should, that they do not lose heart and walk away.

Even just watching the trailer has had me stirred and fighting an overall, general sense of anger and frustration.  I will be skipping this one.

All About Sydnee

This young lady...wow!

I can't believe she's 20!  How quickly she's gone from this sweet, fun-loving, and ornery little girl...

   

To this sweet, fun-loving, and ornery young woman... 

She still can't resist the orneriness...

And definitely knows how to give a look like her mother's...

She has such a kind, compassionate heart and is most comfortable serving others...

And always enjoys her favorite restaurant, Ted's...

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
(If you know Sydnee, you'll know why that's so funny...)

All joking aside, I am so blessed to be this wonderful lady's mother.  And so very thankful.  I wish more people knew her the way we do.  She is kind, compassionate, loving.  But fiercely protective.  If you've had the rare opportunity to see her in 'lioness mode,' you know what I mean.  😍

I sometimes joke about how tired I was when she was a baby because she NEVER slept! 😝 Or how crazy she made me when she was a toddler because she had, well, let's just say, clothing issues...😂  But I am truly amazed at what a beautiful soul she is.  She has already dealt with more in her life than any person should have to, but she is stalwart.  One of the strongest women I know.

Happy birthday, Sydnee (I won't say 'My love'...)!😚 You are loved mightily!

Oreo

Andrew loves to ride.  It is his thing!  No fear, no hesitation, no second thoughts.  He will ride any horse, anywhere, any time.

Some of you will recognize this special significance...

For those who do not, this is Oreo, William's horse.  He was the last person to ride her.

Last week we pulled her up and let Andrew (and a couple of others) ride her.  But Ru had to be the first one.

She's such a great horse!  3+ years out in the pasture, we pull her in, and suddenly there's a 3 year old riding independently, even outside.  That's pretty impressive.  She is certainly a gem and a once-in-a-lifetime kind of horse.

Andrew loves her!  Now he says she's "his horse."  I enjoyed the opportunity to talk to him about William and how much William loved him (and Oreo).

Titus got to ride her, too.  He really liked her, but he is a bit more timid.  He didn't want me to take the lead rope off or step away.  He did not want to ride by himself and wanted off pretty quickly.  After I explained to him how Oreo took care of William and never let him fall off, he relaxed a bit and was happy to ride.  After his ride, he kept saying Oreo took care of him, too.

Oh, this horse.  😍  These boys.  😍

I miss him every moment.

Another New Year

Even though it is always hard to think of bringing in another year and part of me fights it, we always have a very sweet time together. From our Ornery Ocker’s Odditorium game and gifts to questionnaires and “How Well Do You Know”...it’s always busy and a lot of fun. I think it’s interesting to note that on Sarah’s 2017 questionnaire, on the person she would like to meet, she wrote “Danny Gokey” and it was accomplished in 2018! That’s fun!

The littles gift exchange...

The clan...

Triple O ball...great fun!!!

One of the gifts in the Triple O ball was an exercise challenge game. Haha! Trying to keep up...

As much as I dislike starting another year without William and as much as it hurts to feel like I’m leaving him behind, I’m also really glad the latter part of the year is over. December is an extremely hard month for me. I feel more disconnected from people during that month than I do most other times and it’s just really hard to connect. Hoping I do better in the new year...