Three years.
Life has gone on. The world has continued to spin.
And I still miss him. EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND.
The first year was a blur. I have no idea how I got through the days. I was numb. Struggling to breathe. I moved out of habit but not with any purpose or direction.
The second year was actually more difficult than the first. Reality set in. Life without William. It's really happening. Anger and dealing with that sin became a large part of daily life.
The third year has been more of a settling in. An acceptance. Still painful, but I can actually look forward to the future again without losing my mind. I learned that there is a place where true joy and profound sorrow meet and intermingle. There is an intense sadness about me, one that will never go away, as I continue to long for my little boy, but it doesn't mean that I don't also have joy. I will always wish he was here.
I'm grateful for my clan and the friends who have held me over these last years. Those who have let me "just fall." You mean more than you know...
And how much you wish that the floor would be steady below
I know it hurts more than you show..."
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold." ~ Mr. Frodo
"My heart is severely pained within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me. So I said, 'Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Indeed, I would wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.'" Psalm 55:4-8
