It would be much easier to deal with death if we didn't have to deal with life at the same time.
I miss him so much. I just can't seem to find a place of peace and contentment. As we approach the 2-year mark without him I find myself anxious, tearful, and unable to really function.
What I would like to do is run away. Withdraw. Just drop everything and go live in a cave. Protect my children from every hurt and every care in this world. Gather them to me and just freeze a specific moment in time. A perfect moment.
I feel like if I could just stop the world from spinning for a little while, if I could just stop and grieve, just put life on hold and retreat into myself for a small period of time, then I would be able to cope with life better.
It just doesn't happen. The world does not stop. Day and night continue on this vicious cycle and the demands of daily life still press in. So I continue to fight against that urge and put myself out there. I know it's the right thing to do. And at the end of the day, I'm glad when I'm able to do that.
But for now, I'm going to go back to the solitude, bury my head under the covers, and have a good cry.
