I'm trying not to let today be a hard day. I know my children need some normalcy in life. I know we can't stop celebrating life because one of us is missing. I know life is continuing on. I know William loved celebrations and time with family. I know he loved life and celebrating was a part of that.
I know all of this, yet I have to force myself to be festive. I am not glad to say goodbye to 2015...I would go back to pre-October and remain in it. It is difficult to see hope and joy coming in 2016. It holds so many unwelcome firsts... his birthday, marking his grave, family photo, starting classes, moving, the anniversary of his death, and much more that I've not thought of yet.
New Year's is typically a big holiday for us. We enjoy going through each month and being thankful for all God's provided and done in our lives. I can hardly think of being thankful, yet I know there is much to be thankful for.
I pray that the Lord will help me handle tonight. I pray it will be a festive, memorable time for my family. I pray that the Lord will help us in 2016 to find joy in every day, to love one another through our grief and be patient with one another, and to still be able to notice the things we are grateful for. I pray we will have thankful hearts and not let bitterness spring up.
May we not forget how very short our time on earth is. I miss William. I am a better mother because of him. He brought so much blessing to my life. I am truly grateful that God gave me 8 and 1/2 years with him. I would rather have had that time than to not have had him in my life at all.