The Little Things

I had been dreading taking Andrew in for his ABR at Hearts for Hearing.

When you have a child with special needs and you see their doctors often, it is amazing how much you come to care for those who are so deeply vested in their life.

William always loved to go to his mapping appointment with Dr. Sara.  Every 3 months, she made his very long appointment so much fun!

He had activities that were his favorites, like putting the Little People on the bus and putting them in the water for a bath or a swim.  I think he would've continued playing that for days.  His favorite Little People were, of course, the superheroes!

So, since we're there every 3 months anyway, we always schedule our newest infant's ABR during William's mapping appointment.  This one was scheduled long before Andrew was born and before William "flew away," as Adelina always says.  And here I was, dreading going to the place where my precious son spent so much time.  I thought it would be so incredibly difficult, but it caught me by surprise.  It was a comfort.  It was like coming home.  It was a place of rest and peace, which I've had precious little of in the last 2 and 1/2 months.

That's one of the things about grief...it catches you so unaware.  Things that you never dream of being difficult knock you off guard and you find yourself sobbing hysterically in the middle of the kefir isle at Sprout's.  Then things you would expect to be hard are like a little gift where you finally feel that peace and comfort that you've been begging for.  But the hard thing is, you never know which one you'll be hit with.  There's no predicting it.

Over the last 72 days I've heard several variations of people afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.  Boy, do I get it.  It's awkward, I know.  You want so much to reach out and take away the hurt, the pain, to make it all better.  But it's not possible.  So, what do you say?  Really, nothing.  There's nothing to be said that can make it better and really, very little that can make it worse.  But where I, personally, have received the most comfort is from those of you, so many of you, who have grieved along side us.  Those who have shed tears with us and for us.  Those who loved William and have shared your precious stories about him, especially the ones I didn't already know.  It comforts me to hear how well you knew him and what he loved and that he's on your mind and in your heart...that you're thinking about him while you're thinking of us.

Aside from the sweet gifts of friendship, peace, comfort, and love when we went for Andrew's ABR, we also received another special gift.  It was a set of Little People Superheroes.

Thank you, Sara and Tami!  The children have enjoyed putting them on the bus and in the water and talking about William.  That was so incredibly thoughtful!  Thank you for helping to preserve his memory among the younger children.  He loved you both so much!