Sunday, November 22, 2015
I am tortured. Haunted by memories that are too painful to recall, yet too beautiful to forget. I awoke this morning to the sound of the younger children playing a game at the table. Their sweet little voices all a jumble. His voice should have been there. I stayed in bed, pretending that his voice was a part of the mixture. Oh, if I could just stay in bed... If the world could just stop. Why must it continue on? But it does. The children beckon. There are tummies to fill, diapers to change, laundry that needs tending to, hugs that must be had. For that, I am thankful. Still, I feel like Job..."My days are over. My hopes have disappeared. My heart's desires are broken." (Job 17:11) And, yet, somewhere in the darkness, He whispers to me. Somehow in the midst of the despair, I hear Him. And I know. We will make it. Joy will come. There is something more that I cannot even imagine. And I look for it. I wait for it.