Broken

Simple things are difficult. Laundry. Every time I pull one of his shirts out of the dryer, I have a hard time breathing. It isn't difficult for me to see the other boys wearing his clothes. It seems so normal. It's what we've always done. But pulling them from the dryer is a completely different story.  They're so...empty.

With the warm weather, the boys asked if they could get out a couple of shorts. Their favorites were the ones I got them last summer and they all match. William's are on Ru's quilt. I just want to scream, "Wait! Someone's missing!!!"

There are several things that have surprised me in the last 5 months.  How little sleep a person can survive on.  The tiny things that I can't face (like walking past the boys clothing section or buying kefir).  The amount of pain a person can live with and still keep moving.  The desperate need for the love of friends.  The gratefulness for that love.  And the extreme hurt from those friends who have just moved on with life without us.

Lyrics:

The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating

In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating

In the pain
(In the pain)
Is there healing?
In your name
(In your name)
I find meaning

So I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating

In the pain
(In the pain)
There is healing
In your name
(In your name)
I find meaning

So I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm holding on
(I'm still holding)
I'm barely holding on to you