Fairytale

I'll admit, I'm not a huge fan of Lord of the Rings.  I know, I know, that probably makes me some sort of weird creature.  I've tried to watch it, really.  I can't stay awake.  I've even tried to read it but I had a hard time staying awake for that too! :)

But this song is beautiful!  It is sweet and mournful, so sad, yet full of hope.  This is definitely one of my favorites...

No Fight Left

No words for this one.  I just feel it.

Lyrics:
It's hard to tell if my eyes are open
When all I see is dark
And it's easy, it's easy to lose my step
To lose my step

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you

And I used to dream of a life so lovely
There'd be no room for tears
Now letting go, yeah
Letting go is the hardest part
It's the hardest part

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you
Ohhh...

There is no place I can go
Where you don't already know
How to reach right down and pull me out
I need you, I need you, I need you

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all...

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all, yeah
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all, yeah
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you

A Thousand Years

The first time I heard this song was at the Blaze's Rescue Trainer's Challenge in 2015.  I thought it was beautiful but since I had only heard it that one time, I didn't really pay much attention to it.

The second time I heard it was just a couple of weeks after William had passed.  We were at our nephew's wedding.  I almost didn't go.  In fact, several of us thought of staying home.  But we really wanted to go to show our happiness for such a sweet couple who we love dearly.  This song was played while people were being seated.

I've always had a knack for lyrics.  I don't know why.  I can hear a song one time and remember it forever.  The girls' spoke up when this song played... "Mommy, this song sounds familiar.  Do we know it from somewhere?"  It was at the chorus and I started to sing it for them.  My mind immediately went to William and I had to run to the powder room.

It is unbelievably hard to wait every day, waiting to be reunited.  I loved him before he was a thought and I will continue to love him, as long as my soul exists.  Sweet William.

Lyrics:

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more1

Time stands still
beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Chasing Cars

I first saw this song on a bereaved parents site and the title intrigued me.  It's interesting how so many songs that are probably written about star-crossed lovers fit so well into a bereaved parent's grief.

William loved cars.  He would sit on the floor and play with cars for hours on end.  Or drive around in the power wheels police car.  He really loved getting to touch the Lightning McQueen car when we went to Disney World.

Anyway, that was what first drew me to this song.  As I listened to it, it really made me think about the busy-ness of life.  So much hustle and bustle.  My favorite times with William (and I believe his, as well) were times I spent just lying next to him in the bed, reading or singing or talking about nothing, really.  I would love to have a wall to wall bed and just lie down with my whole family and forget anything else exists.  What a nice dream...

Lyrics:

We'll do it all, everything
On our own

We don't need anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say how I feel

Those three words

Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

Let's waste time 

Chasing cars around our heads

1

I need your grace to remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Ronan

We played this one at William's funeral on his slideshow.  This one brings both happy and sad feelings.  Of course it makes me think of that horrible, awful day.  But it also brings those precious memories to mind...his love of cars, his magical, tinkling giggle, his hand in mine, the thankfulness of my time with him.  It also reminds me of his fearlessness.  He was never afraid of death.  He longed to see Jesus.  He talked of seeing Pappaw.  When he was in the hospital he would ask if he would die this time, but it was never out of fear.

My favorite line of this song is, "I remember your blue eyes looking into mine, like we had our own secret club..."  William's eyes were brown, but oh, how I can relate to this line.  He would look up at me and lean into me, like we were the only two people in the world and he was sharing this special, secret moment just with me.  My heart aches desperately with missing him.

Lyrics:

I remember your bare feet down the hallway
I remember your little laugh
Race cars on the kitchen floor
Plastic dinosaurs, I love you to the moon and back

I remember your blue eyes looking into mine like we had our own secret club
I remember you dancing before bed time then jumping on me waking me up
I can still feel you hold my hand
Little man, even from that moment I knew
You fought it hard like an army guy
Remember I leaned in and whispered to you

Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

I remember the drive home when the blind hope
Turned to crying and screaming, "Why?"
Flowers piled up in the worst way
No one knows what to say about a beautiful boy who died

And it's about to be Halloween
You could be anything you wanted if you were still here
I remember the last day when I kissed your face
I whispered in your ear

Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
Out of this curtained room in this hospital gray
We'll just disappear
Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

What if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you?
What if I kept the hand me downs you won't grow into?
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through?
But what if the miracle was even getting one moment with you

Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
Come on baby with me
We're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

I remember your bare feet down the hallway
I love you to the moon and back