Conferences

It has been an eventful couple of weeks.  Michael and I attended a Marriage Conference in North Carolina, followed by a Family Conference in Tulsa last weekend.  Both were excellent.

The Marriage Conference was a series of messages regarding what our marriages should be.  I think the biggest takeaway for me was the reminder that everything testifies to something...so what does our marriage testify to?  What is getting preached from our marriage?  Are we preaching Christ's love for the Church or is our marriage preaching a false gospel?

The questions that were visited over the course of the weekend were:
     *Do you know what God wants in a marriage?
     *Do you want what God wants in your marriage?
     *Do you do what God wants in your marriage?

The weekend was so full and rich, there's no way I could convey it all, but I highly encourage all married couples to attend, no matter what stage you are at in your marriage.  I will say, we were amongst the oldest and longest married there and it was odd for me to be the "mentor."  Young couples, earnestly seeking advice from someone who has already done that and has good fruit.  Wow. I remember those days of seeking wisdom from those I deemed wiser.  It is such a humbling experience to be on that side of the equation!  And the young people had some incredibly wise questions!

A portion of the conference was on "Forming Marriages," for navigating the waters in courtship and betrothal.  Of course, everyone has a different outlook on what that looks like and that's okay.  It's a very individual process.  But there was a lot of excellent advice given.  Namely...for adult children looking to marry, BE the right person and MARRY the right person.  For parents, it is so important to base our decisions on the Bible.  Give our reasons for things FROM SCRIPTURE, not because we feel it.  Do not exasperate your children.  And when it comes to dating/courtship/engagement/marriage, as with everything else, do not learn the way of the Gentiles.

The  Family Conference was a busy and full weekend of messages on The Purpose in Suffering.  I knew it would be good, but I didn't not realize how much I needed it.  I did not even realize how much bitterness I have been holding onto.  Not necessarily regarding William's death, in particular, but with the circumstances surrounding it.  I have got to forgive and move past so many things.  That is one way you can pray for me.

It is interesting how things can look to others and how we can so easily hide our inner struggles without even attempting to.  There are those who see my life and think (and even tell me) that I am doing so well.  That I'm handling his death and moving on.  I know they mean well.  But I feel like a fraud.  If only they knew.  If only they knew how many sleepless nights, how many tears, how many conversations with God, how many struggles to let go of anger or frustration or fear or resentment.  If only they knew that rarely does a day go by that I don't look at William's picture and want to scream, WHY?!?!?!? Why isn't he here?  Why couldn't we have one more year?  One more day?  Even one more hour?  If only they knew the wave of anger that sweeps over me so often... If only.

It's not that I'm angry at God.  Just the whole idea of death and sorrow and suffering.

But it turns out that it's not too terribly difficult to keep those things hidden, even when you try to be open and honest.

Because, the truth is, those are the things I work really hard to stay on top of.  I believe in God's sovereignty.  I trust Him.  I know He is good and right and true.  And, even though I have to remind myself of that daily when the enemy sneaks into my mind, I am hoping the habitual practice of renewing my mind and reminding myself of what I know to be true will eventually remove the need for it.  But, even if it doesn't, I will press on because He has me.  And there's much comfort in that.

Two big quotes that I took away from this conference, and I hope they stick with me, are:

1) The credibility of the Gospel is directly tied to the integrity of those who proclaim it.

2)  How do those who proclaim such life-changing power display so little of it in their lives?


Now, if that isn't food for thought, I don't know what is.  I remember the old saying, "With knowledge comes responsibility."  As God's people, he doesn't just hand us a ticket for heaven and say, "Hang out down there until your time is up."  He has a purpose and our purpose is to fulfill His.  We have work to do.  Let's make sure we're doing it.  And when we mess up, let's dust it off and try again.