I'm tired. Not physically tired, just tired.
We got back from Dianna's funeral just this morning. It was sweet. And heartbreaking.
I got to hold sweet little Vincent through the funeral. At one point, I looked down at him and smiled. He looked right into my eyes and gave me the biggest, dimpled grin. That was when the tears started.
Oh, that sweet innocence.
Oh, how much he looks like his precious Momma.
Oh, how my heart breaks for Dylan.
The most moving part of the funeral, for me, was when Dylan spoke. He talked about their time together. It was so short, but sweet and meaningful. I am so thankful that they found each other and committed to each other early on. What a beautiful testimony.
But he also talked about having no regrets and taking care of issues as they arise. No secrets. No anger. Nothing hidden. Just openness and love. He talked about making our relationships right and valuing them, while we have the opportunity. One thing he said, in particular, stood out to me.
We are told over and over again that we aren't promised tomorrow. We say that we understand it and we might even believe it. But that's not how we live our lives. We live like there will always be time to say the things that need to be said, to make things right, to give love or forgiveness where it should be.
But there isn't.
There's never enough time.
God has only given us now. Now is the time.
The thing about not saying what needs to be said is, it's hard on those left behind. Over and over and over again, on grief sites, I see some heartbreaking rendition of, "If only I had known...I would have done ______ or said ________." Basically, I would have done things differently.
That is one thing that I have great peace over. I know, without a single doubt, that William knew how much he was loved. I don't have to regret what wasn't said or done. I don't have to wonder if he knew. I spent his last night cuddled in the chair next to him. Of course, I never dreamed it would be my last night with him. But I'm ever so grateful that it was spent loving him. Like so many other nights.
I'm thankful that Dylan has that assurance, too. Nothing left unsaid, undone. No regrets.
Relationships have always been somewhat difficult for me. I've never let myself get too attached but have generally kept people at arm's length. Michael is an anomaly.😍 But since William's death, I've tried to make every effort to change that. I want the people I care about to know it. I don't want to leave them wondering. I want there to be no doubt in their mind that they matter to me.
Sometimes it's a struggle and sometimes it's awkward, but I'm trying.
A friend posted this on her blog. I don't know who Mark Sloan is, and I'm sure there's some discretion that needs to be used here 😉, but I think there's some merit to it as well:
Say it. Do it. Don't put it off.
