I have never fit in with people. In school I was very much a loner. I preferred it that way. I did not do well with the “game.” I’ve always been very straightforward and have not understood (or trusted) those who aren’t. Which is pretty much everyone else on the planet.
When I was young, I prided myself on my honesty. I thought it was such a good thing that I was never fake. If I liked someone (or didn’t) they would certainly know it because I did not pretend otherwise. As I matured, I guess I have learned the “art” of pretending somewhat. But it wearies me.
Why is it that superficial relationships are so very exhausting?
I am tired. And frustrated. And limited.
I cannot say what I wish to say, nor bring about a resolution, nor really move forward. I am stuck and it is stifling every part of my life.
And all I can do is withdraw.
I have nothing valuable to offer here while in this state. Maybe ever. I apologize.
I am taking a break from the Internet. I am unsure what I’ll do with the blog but I will not be posting for awhile. Indefinitely.
I feel like I’m letting another piece of him go.
But I just...can’t.
I apologize to my friends who read it but I haven’t offered much of late anyway.
For my bereaved parent friends, you are not alone. There is no such thing as “normal” in grief. Please follow my friend, Melanie’s, blog over at thelifeididntchoose.com.
For my friends who are still following from groups for children who are deaf, thank you for participating in William’s story. I know you’ll continue to support each other. Don’t forget that just because someone’s choice in hearing isn’t YOUR choice, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice.
For my friends from across the country who like to read the antics of a crazy, Christian, country girl with a ton of children, I hope there have been seeds planted.
And for my “real” friends, thank you for hanging in.
