The past couple of weeks have been heavy. New loves. Fresh sorrows. Old demons. Sweet joys. Great unknowns. The weight of the world.
Thursday, March 28, 2019
Grieving Hearts
Bereaved parents share a unique bond, albeit a desperately unwanted one. Never again can I hear of parents grieving such great loss without it touching me in a deeper way than ever before. And when it’s a personal friend experiencing that loss, the sorrow is acute. It takes me right back to the freshness, the helplessness, the devastation of new loss.
The past couple of weeks have been heavy. New loves. Fresh sorrows. Old demons. Sweet joys. Great unknowns. The weight of the world.
The past couple of weeks have been heavy. New loves. Fresh sorrows. Old demons. Sweet joys. Great unknowns. The weight of the world.
Thursday, March 21, 2019
Thursday, March 14, 2019
The Model Courtship Letter?
Our family has been going through the 2nd Behold Your God series, The Weight of Majesty. It is sweet, encouraging, and thought-provoking. We enjoyed the first one so much, but this one might be my favorite.
Each week, there is a video that goes with the daily lessons we've been working on. Each video begins with a 15-minute segment on some hero of faith. They are always interesting and inspiring, but a couple of weeks ago the study was Ann Judson. The short, 15-minute segment so stayed with me that it prompted me to dig in and learn more.
Adoniram met Ann the day he presented himself to the Congregationalist missionary service. He fell in love with her THAT SAME DAY. Ha! This shines a whole new light on the phrase, “When you know, you know.” 😂 I personally think fear drives today’s generation far too much. But I digress. Exactly one month after Adoniram met Ann (and fell in love with her) declared his intention to become a suitor. Ann, giving no indication of her own feelings, simply directed him to her father. He immediately wrote the following letter:
"I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"
One of her father's friends said he would rather tie his daughter to the bedpost than let her go across the world. But Ann's father left it entirely to her decision and the next spring, the young (23 and 24) married couple set sail.
When I heard this part of the story, I laughed and asked Michael how he would like to get a letter like that from a suitor. I can only imagine the first pangs of sorrow over such a letter. But the second wave of thought has to be, isn't this what we prepare them for? A life of service to the Lord, whatever that may look like?
Ashamed, I must admit that I did not have the best thoughts of Adoniram after the brief lesson on Ann's life. Not because of his letter, which I actually have a lot of respect for. I mean, he was under no illusion. And he didn’t try to paint a pretty picture for her father. He was honest and clear about his intentions and his thinking of their future. Who can find fault in that? No, I was unsettled in my mind because after such a brief lesson, it left me with the feeling that hers was a great sacrifice while he seemed to only be mindful of his mission. She sacrificed so much, jeopardizing her own health beyond repair. He survived only because of her self-sacrificing love. I wondered if he even noticed. And, of course, having 4 adult daughters, I will admit I was somewhat perturbed.
These thoughts bothered me so that it drove me to study more into their lives. And I'm glad I did. What I found not only changed my opinion of him entirely, but gave me a kindredness with them both.
The first thing I learned struck me hard. Adoniram was raised in a Christian home but was heavily influenced at Brown University by a particular Deist friend. At age 20, he renounced his faith entirely, much to the heartbreak of his parents. However, it was through an odd set of circumstances that God arranged for him to be aware of the death of that same friend, eventually leading to his true conversion. A strong Calvinist, his deep confidence in God's overarching providence through all calamity and misery sustained him to the end.
And he definitely faced much misery. The Judson's first child, who remained nameless, what born dead just as they sailed from India to Burma. The second child, Roger Williams Judson, lived 17 months.
When her second child died, Ann Judson wrote, "Our hearts were bound up with this child; we felt he was our earthly all, our only source of innocent recreation in this heathen land. But God saw it was necessary to remind us of our error, and to strip us of our only little all. O, may it not be vain that he has done it. May we so improve it that he will stay his hand and say, 'It is enough.'"
When Ann was pregnant with their third child, Adoniram was imprisoned, accused of being a spy. Ann walked the 2 miles daily to the palace to plead that Judson was not a spy. When he was moved to a "death prison," Ann pursued him, continuing to care for him (and their baby, Maria Elizabeth Butterworth Judson) as much as she could, though she was thin and ill herself.
When the government needed him as a translator in negotiations with Britain, Adoniram was suddenly set released after a year and 1/2 of prison life. Though the long ordeal was over, Ann's health was broken. She died 11 months later. Maria lived to be 2 and died 6 months after her mother.
Judson, who held so fast to his faith during all his stay in prison, penning beautiful words and encouraging fellow prisoners, found himself in a drearier place where darkness settled over his soul. His mind became clouded with self-doubt and he began reading Catholic mystics, which led him into solitary asceticism and self-mortification. He retreated to complete solitude and wrote in one letter that he felt utter spiritual desolation. "God is to me the Great Unknown. I believe in him, but I find him not."
Oddly enough, it was Judson's brother's death that proved to be his turning point. His brother whom he had left in unbelief had died in faith. This began Adoniram's climb out of darkness.
Cholera, malaria, dysentery, and other miseries took 2 of Judson's 3 wives and 7 of his 13 children. But none affected him so hard as that of Ann and Maria.
He wrote, "If I had not felt certain that every additional trial was ordered by infinite love and mercy, I could not have survived my accumulated sufferings."
I read most of Judson's story from the account in John Piper's message, "How Few There Are Who Die So Hard" (2003 Bethlehem Conference for Pastors). I could not help but feel a kinship with him (and with Ann), though they suffered far more than I ever have. Ann's thoughts after the death of her son were just heartbreaking. But when I read Adoniram's statement, "I believe in him, but I find him not," my heart was pierced through. I can so identify with that!
I have been feeling somewhat torn about the blog. I don't want it to be about sorrow all the time. But I can't help but miss him. My heart is still broken and perhaps will always be, even while I'm learning to put pieces together. And not that I will ever have anything worthy to add like the Judsons, I believe it's important that bereaved Christians continue to share their journeys for the ones who are coming up after us.
Thanks for sticking it through this long post. I encourage everyone to continue to learn more about the Judsons and their amazing journey, but most of all, their steadfast dedication to Christ that overcame the darkness.
You can download the free eBook based on Piper's biographical sketch of Adoniram Judson here.
Other works to consider:
To the Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson, Courtney Anderson
Adoniram Judson and the Missionary Call, Erroll Hulse
By His Grace and For His Glory, Thomas J. Nettles
Giant of the Missionary Trail, Eugene Myers Harrison
A Memoir of the Life and Labors of the Rev. Adoniram Judson, Francis Wayland
Or these titles at Grace and Truth Books:
Devoted for Life, Vance Christie
Danger on the Streets of Gold, Irene Howat
A Missionary Life for Burma, Sharon James
Bless God and Take Courage, Rosalie Hall Hunt
The Three Mrs. Judsons, Arabella Stuart
Each week, there is a video that goes with the daily lessons we've been working on. Each video begins with a 15-minute segment on some hero of faith. They are always interesting and inspiring, but a couple of weeks ago the study was Ann Judson. The short, 15-minute segment so stayed with me that it prompted me to dig in and learn more.
Adoniram met Ann the day he presented himself to the Congregationalist missionary service. He fell in love with her THAT SAME DAY. Ha! This shines a whole new light on the phrase, “When you know, you know.” 😂 I personally think fear drives today’s generation far too much. But I digress. Exactly one month after Adoniram met Ann (and fell in love with her) declared his intention to become a suitor. Ann, giving no indication of her own feelings, simply directed him to her father. He immediately wrote the following letter:
"I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"
One of her father's friends said he would rather tie his daughter to the bedpost than let her go across the world. But Ann's father left it entirely to her decision and the next spring, the young (23 and 24) married couple set sail.
When I heard this part of the story, I laughed and asked Michael how he would like to get a letter like that from a suitor. I can only imagine the first pangs of sorrow over such a letter. But the second wave of thought has to be, isn't this what we prepare them for? A life of service to the Lord, whatever that may look like?
Ashamed, I must admit that I did not have the best thoughts of Adoniram after the brief lesson on Ann's life. Not because of his letter, which I actually have a lot of respect for. I mean, he was under no illusion. And he didn’t try to paint a pretty picture for her father. He was honest and clear about his intentions and his thinking of their future. Who can find fault in that? No, I was unsettled in my mind because after such a brief lesson, it left me with the feeling that hers was a great sacrifice while he seemed to only be mindful of his mission. She sacrificed so much, jeopardizing her own health beyond repair. He survived only because of her self-sacrificing love. I wondered if he even noticed. And, of course, having 4 adult daughters, I will admit I was somewhat perturbed.
These thoughts bothered me so that it drove me to study more into their lives. And I'm glad I did. What I found not only changed my opinion of him entirely, but gave me a kindredness with them both.
The first thing I learned struck me hard. Adoniram was raised in a Christian home but was heavily influenced at Brown University by a particular Deist friend. At age 20, he renounced his faith entirely, much to the heartbreak of his parents. However, it was through an odd set of circumstances that God arranged for him to be aware of the death of that same friend, eventually leading to his true conversion. A strong Calvinist, his deep confidence in God's overarching providence through all calamity and misery sustained him to the end.
And he definitely faced much misery. The Judson's first child, who remained nameless, what born dead just as they sailed from India to Burma. The second child, Roger Williams Judson, lived 17 months.
When her second child died, Ann Judson wrote, "Our hearts were bound up with this child; we felt he was our earthly all, our only source of innocent recreation in this heathen land. But God saw it was necessary to remind us of our error, and to strip us of our only little all. O, may it not be vain that he has done it. May we so improve it that he will stay his hand and say, 'It is enough.'"
When Ann was pregnant with their third child, Adoniram was imprisoned, accused of being a spy. Ann walked the 2 miles daily to the palace to plead that Judson was not a spy. When he was moved to a "death prison," Ann pursued him, continuing to care for him (and their baby, Maria Elizabeth Butterworth Judson) as much as she could, though she was thin and ill herself.
When the government needed him as a translator in negotiations with Britain, Adoniram was suddenly set released after a year and 1/2 of prison life. Though the long ordeal was over, Ann's health was broken. She died 11 months later. Maria lived to be 2 and died 6 months after her mother.
Judson, who held so fast to his faith during all his stay in prison, penning beautiful words and encouraging fellow prisoners, found himself in a drearier place where darkness settled over his soul. His mind became clouded with self-doubt and he began reading Catholic mystics, which led him into solitary asceticism and self-mortification. He retreated to complete solitude and wrote in one letter that he felt utter spiritual desolation. "God is to me the Great Unknown. I believe in him, but I find him not."
Oddly enough, it was Judson's brother's death that proved to be his turning point. His brother whom he had left in unbelief had died in faith. This began Adoniram's climb out of darkness.
Cholera, malaria, dysentery, and other miseries took 2 of Judson's 3 wives and 7 of his 13 children. But none affected him so hard as that of Ann and Maria.
He wrote, "If I had not felt certain that every additional trial was ordered by infinite love and mercy, I could not have survived my accumulated sufferings."
I read most of Judson's story from the account in John Piper's message, "How Few There Are Who Die So Hard" (2003 Bethlehem Conference for Pastors). I could not help but feel a kinship with him (and with Ann), though they suffered far more than I ever have. Ann's thoughts after the death of her son were just heartbreaking. But when I read Adoniram's statement, "I believe in him, but I find him not," my heart was pierced through. I can so identify with that!
I have been feeling somewhat torn about the blog. I don't want it to be about sorrow all the time. But I can't help but miss him. My heart is still broken and perhaps will always be, even while I'm learning to put pieces together. And not that I will ever have anything worthy to add like the Judsons, I believe it's important that bereaved Christians continue to share their journeys for the ones who are coming up after us.
Thanks for sticking it through this long post. I encourage everyone to continue to learn more about the Judsons and their amazing journey, but most of all, their steadfast dedication to Christ that overcame the darkness.
You can download the free eBook based on Piper's biographical sketch of Adoniram Judson here.
Other works to consider:
To the Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson, Courtney Anderson
Adoniram Judson and the Missionary Call, Erroll Hulse
By His Grace and For His Glory, Thomas J. Nettles
Giant of the Missionary Trail, Eugene Myers Harrison
A Memoir of the Life and Labors of the Rev. Adoniram Judson, Francis Wayland
Or these titles at Grace and Truth Books:
Devoted for Life, Vance Christie
Danger on the Streets of Gold, Irene Howat
A Missionary Life for Burma, Sharon James
Bless God and Take Courage, Rosalie Hall Hunt
The Three Mrs. Judsons, Arabella Stuart
Thursday, March 7, 2019
Challenge shirts
Abby and Sherrod have their T-shirt design ready for the Challenge. Actual cost of the shirt is $10 (doesn’t include postage). Orders are due by March 29. Contact Abby by phone or email me to order.
Be sure to come watch the Challenge on May 4 at the Shawnee Expo Center! It’s going to be a great one that you don’t want to miss!
Be sure to come watch the Challenge on May 4 at the Shawnee Expo Center! It’s going to be a great one that you don’t want to miss!
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