This morning we will have ice cream for breakfast in honor of William's 14th birthday. I had this grand notion that I would write a long post about William and his life, but I find that I just cannot. Even now, 5 1/2 years later, it is still so raw.
We were blessed with 3,115 days with him. I find myself wondering if I used them all to their full potential. Did I realize how short my time would be with him? Did I make the most of each moment? Such a short amount of time...
Tomorrow will mark 2,000 days without him. Two thousand. How did that even happen?
172,594,800 seconds
I do not cry every day anymore. I can't really even pinpoint when that stopped.
The triggers still come and there are definitely times I have to struggle to take my thoughts captive still, but it's not as frequent. I still miss him every day and the hurt is every bit as deep, but it has changed. I can't really describe how. Maybe it's not the hurt that has changed so much as it's me that's changed. The Lord has strengthened me...drawn me close...shown me grace.
One of the girls brought up last night how she's been reading in Psalms for some time and found it interesting that so often we think of Psalms as songs of praise, which they are, but the first half of them (or so) are about grieving. Hope in grieving.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Ps 34:18
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Ps 73:26
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Ps 147:3
I've been up tonight, watching videos. It's been sweet to listen to his voice again. Here are some fun ones:
